Bum: Got any spare change, man? Abe: Yes! And you ain't gettin' it. Everybody wants something for nothing.
[Abe walks into the social security building] I'm old: gimme gimme gimme! Homer: The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side. Man: That's a _right_ triangle, you idiot! Homer: D'oh!
Lisa: Dad, you shouldn't wear glasses that weren't prescribed for you. Homer: [to Bart] Lisa, just because you're ten feet tall doesn't mean you can tell me what to do. Bart: I'm Bart. Lisa: Gimme those! Kent: Now, at the risk of being unpopular, this reporter places the blame
squarely on you, the viewers! Bart: Woo-hoo! Jackpot. Kid: Wait a minute: are you over 21? Bart: Are you? Kid: I'm not authorized to answer that. Blofeld: 20. Your move, Mr. Bond. Bond: I'll take a hit, dealer. [Homer gives him a card] Joker! You were supposed to take those out of the deck. Homer: Oh, sorry. Here's another one. Bond: What is this card? "Rules for Draw and Stud Poker"? Blofeld: What a pity, Mr. Bond. Bond: But...but it's Homer's fault! I didn't lose. I never lose!
Barney: Marge you gotta watch out. Your little boy Bart coulda been eaten by that pony. Krusty: I don't want to hit a sore spot, but can we talk about herpes? Herpes herpes, bo-berpes, banana, fana fo-ferpes -- her-pes. Ow! Hey: that spot on Gorbachev's head -- herpes, trust me! Anybody here have herpes? Huh? Huh? [No one answers] You people are the worst audience I've ever seen. Man: You're the worst comedian we've ever seen! Krusty: Oh, great! Well, we'll just sit here silently for the next
ninety minutes. Man: Fine with us. Lisa: There's nothing to eat for breakfast. Homer: You gotta improvise, Lisa: cloves, Tom Collins mix, frozen pie crust Lisa: Maybe mom just doesn't realize we missed her. We could go down to the casino and let her know... Homer: Oh, come on, Lisa, there's no reason to -- [takes a bite] -- let's go see Mom. Lisa: Well, I know it's absurd, but I dreamed the bogeyman was after me, and he's hiding under -- Homer: Aaaah! Bogeyman! You nail the windows shut, I'll get the gun! Bart, I don't wanna alarm you but there may be a boogeyman or boogeymen in the house! Bart: AAAAAAAH! Marge: What happened here? Homer: Oh nothing Marge just a little incident involving the Boogeyman! Goulet: Are you sure this is the casino? I think I should call my manager. Nelson: Your manager says for you to shut up! Goulet:Vera said that? Hmph. Homer: Oh, it's always something isn't it? First I have to drive your pregnant mother to the hospital so she can give birth to you. And now this. Burns: We'll take the Spruce Moose. Hop in! Smithers: But, sir -- Burns: [pointing a gun] I said, hop in. Homer: You made her cry. Then I cried. Then Maggie laughed -- she's such a little trooper. Goulet: Jingle Bells, Batman Smells Robin laid an egg. Batmobile lost its wheel, The Joker got away, hey! Thank you, thank you very much. [hits Milhouse in the face with the microphone] Oh, I'm sorry, kid... Ralph: I'm Idaho!
