Edna: We're going to take a test. Class: :sighs: Hoover: We're going to take a test. Lisa: All right, a test! Edna: Some of you may discover a wonderful vocation you'd never even imagined. Others may find out life isn't fair, in spite of your Masters from Bryn Mawr, you might end up a glorified babysitter to a bunch of dead-eyed fourth graders while your husband runs naked on a beach with your marriage counselor!!
Hoover: Question sixty. I prefer the smell of (a) gasoline, (b) French fries, or (c) bank customers. Hoover: Since we have fifteen minute until recess, please put down your pencils and stare at the front of the room. Homer: Wait a minute. Isn't anybody going to follow in my footsteps? :silence for 8 seconds while a Coyote howls in the background: Bart: Wow! Can I see your club? Lou: It's called a baton, son. Bart: Oh. What's it for? Lou: We club people with it. Apu: Ooh, they used nylon rope this time. It feels so smooth against my skin. Almost sensuous. Wiggum: Looks like you just bought yourself a lottery ticket. To jail! Eddie: He's unconscious, sir. Wiggum: Ah, they can still hear things. Marge: This morning, I turned bacon, eggs, and toast into a nice smiley face for Bart and Homer. Lisa: What's the point they'll never notice. Marge: Oh, well you'd be surprised.
:Bart and Homer arrive at lightning speed and shoot down their food without noticing the face: Marge: Hrmmmm. :flashback:
Marge: You know what I want to be when I grow up? Selma: The girl on the oatmeal box? Marge: No, I'm going to be an astronaut. Patty: Women can't be astronauts. Marge: Why not? Patty: They distract the men astronauts so they wouldn't keep their eyes on the road. Marge: There will too be women astronauts. It's true, and we'll all live on cities on the moon. Marge: Bart's grades are up a little this term. But Lisa's are way down. Homer: Oh... We always have one good kid and one lousy kid. Why can't both our kids be good? Marge: We have three kids, Homer. Homer: Maaarge, the dog doesn't count as a kid! Marge: No, Maggie! Bart: Seymour, this is an absent slip signed by Nelson's mother. And this is Nelson's English homework. Notice the identical elongated loops on the d's. Skinner: Forgery! So he didn't have leprosy! Teacher: This is a great day for me. I thought I could never teach again! Skinner: Oh, things have changed. There will be no mockery of your name, Mr. Glascock. Hoover: Lisa, what nineteenth-century figure was named 'Old Hickory'? Lisa: I don't know. You? Ms.H: Lisa, if you'd bothered to do the assignment, you'd know the answer is... :flips to Answers: The Battle of New Orleans. I mean, Andrew Jackson. Lisa: Well, you're earning your eighteen grand a year.
Bart: I didn't want you to wreck your life. You got the brains and the talent to go as far as you want. And when you do, I'll be right there to borrow money.
