Marge: Voila! Which is French for.. Ta-da! Carl: Hey if she's not paying I'm not paying. Lenny: And if you're not paying I'm not paying. Carl: Of course you're not. We're in the same car. Lenny: Oh. I just wanted us to start talking again.
Agnes: Seymour! Get out and change the tyres!
Seymour: I don't have four spares, mother. Agnes: You don't have four anything! Moe: This says I aint allergic to pollen. So I could have gone to the park and played with other kids. I've gotta make up for lost time!
Sittin' in a rockin' chair eating baby crackers,
Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock, banana!
A B C D E F G, wash those dune bugs off of me. Abe: Mona cheated on me? I don't know how she found the time with her late night pottery classes and supermarket trips that took all weekend. Homer: I don't care what that letter says. This man raised me single-handedly. When I think of all the things he's done for me, the many times he.... lifeguard huh?
Homer: So this guy might be my real father. And his name starts with M? Moleman? Mr. Burns? M. Night Shyamalan. That would be a twist worthy of his increasingly lousy films! Homer: His name is Mason Fairbanks, he has a knife just for cheese, and he talks like this :british accent: Homer, please do that in the loo! Mason: I've dined with the Prince of Wales and with killer whales, but only the latter knew to chew without humming. :everybody laughs all the way home: Mason: Perhaps I couldn't have stolen anyone had you given them what they needed.
Abe: I was busy! Telling young people to get a haircut! Abe: I'll take any test you want. Eye test, pap test, memory test, memory test, Vinnie Testaverde, Ferarri Testerossa. Lisa: Grampa, stop! Abe: Never! Presidents Physical Fitness Test, seal test ice cream, Testers aiplane glue. Dr. Hibbert: Homer's biological father is.... Mason Fairbanks!
:everyone gasps: Homer: Who's Mason Fairbanks? Dr. Hibbert: This guy! Homer: Woohoo! Marge: See Abe we're still visiting you, even though we have no biological obligation. Bart: You've said that three times already. Marge: Well then you think of something. :silence: Abe: I guess Homer couldn't make it huh? Lisa: No, but he told us to say Hi.... Hi! :silence: Lisa: So, what setting is that fan on. :silence: Abe: Medium :silence: Lisa: Hm. I would have guessed low. :silence: Abe: You would have guessed wrong. Abe: I switched the names on the DNA samples. Then I put my name first on the list for a new heart. My old one's fine but you never know.
Homer: Listen, I wanted to ask you if you could do something my former father never did for me. Mason: Anything, son. Homer: Teach me that the stove is hot. Mason:Very well. No Homer, mustn't touch. I said NO! Homer!. All right, nap time. Homer: But I'm not ti-re-he-he-d.
