Homer: You know how your paper boy always sends you a Christmas card with his home address on it. What's up with that? Pimple Kid: I wanted you to tip me! Homer: No tip till they bring back Hagar The Horrible Pimple Kid: That's not my decision! Homer: Oh it's never anybody's decision. Frink: Good King Harrod except you dont really have the good so what do you have really then?
Moe: Now feel free to come by to main house for breakfast. There wont be any. Marge: Any time anyone suffers in the world he starts crying again. Can you do something? Homer: Me? But I'm watching the orange bowl! Homer: And did you know that little baby Jesus... grew up to be.. Jesus? Burns: You hang up first. No, you hang up first. No, you hang up first. No, you hang up first.
Santa: My sleigh! It's ruined. Abe: We'll get you up and running or my name aint Young Grandpa Simpson. Abe: You backstabber! And I let you spoon me! Abe: Somebody should have beaten you with a tricycle years ago! Abe: I waited and waited but Santa never came back. If I hadn't invented a jetski made of coconuts I'd have never gotten home. And when I did the war was over and the nurses were all kissed out. Homer: Oh my god, it's over. We're free! Mr. Largo: It's not over. It's just intermission. Homer: I said we're free! Mr. Largo: We're still doing act II. I'll be in the audience. Boo! This is terrible! -SONG-
Marge: I've still gotta bake my Christmas pie Bart: I've still gotta get Dad a lousy tie Cletus: Christmas crowds is what I hate Sideshow Mel: No time left to procrastinate Lenny: So move your ass Carl: And let me pass Lenny & Carl: 'Cause Christmas Eve is here Quimby: Er, why is this Santa suit so snug? Burns: Grr, why should I care, it's all humbug Apu: I've jacked my prices up so high
But there's no junk these saps won't buy
Last year's eggnog, a green hot dog Crowd: 'Cause Christmas Eve is here Comic Book Guy: These holiday cookies swell my fat Cat lady: Gya Eyadada Gya Ga Ya Da Cat Krusty: Even though we're not gentile
We'll get together for a while Crazy Old Man: To shoot the breeze Rabbi Krustovski: And eat Chinese Restaurant: 'Cause Christmas Eve is here - Oy! Marge: Christmas is a family day Homer: I told Grampa we'd be away Lisa: He's at the door Bart: Let's hit the floor Family: 'Cause Christmas Eve is here! Krusty: It's the most wonderful time of the year :Krusty is pegged with snowballs: Give the audience snowballs they said. It'll be cute they said. Moe: Hey Barn' as a special gift to me this year, will you kill me? Barney: But I already got you a wool hat. Moe: Maybe next year huh.
-SONG-
Homer: I need a present for my wife
Or I'll have no sex for life
Diamond ring, a vase by Ming
Some kind of useful kitchen thing
I need a store I can break into
Or a place run by a Hindu Apu: The Christmas rush has cleaned me out
I just have jerky made of trout
