Homer: Ow! It's not my fault the raiders lost! It's Professor Pigskins! Fat Tony: If he mentions that pig again, use two hammers. Homer: But the pig! OWWW! Fat Tony: We would like to use your home to shoot an adult film. Mobster: Yeah it's called Lemony Licket. A Series Of Horny Events.
Homer: Please there's gotta be something else I can do. Like mow your lawn every week for two weeks. I can't do it next week. Bart: I wanna see Santa! He can explain why he gave me a Playstation box with nothing inside but a coloring book. Elf: Welcome to Santa's Village where it's Christmas every day. Closed on Christmas. Marge: Homer is this a snugglefilm!? Homer: Um... you're IN THE WRONG HOUSE, LADY! Marge: How could you allow this in the room where we do puzzles!?
Homer: Honey please just listen to what I have to say. I owed the mafia money.... Where you going? Marge: Away from you! Homer: When will you be back? Marge: I don't know. Homer: Who's gonna watch the kids. Marge: You are? Homer: Me, but I'm the father! Homer: You didn't say bye to the kids! Marge: Bye Bart. I love you Lisa! Sleep tight, Maggie. Today's the last day you can eat the yoghurt in the fridge. Homer: Well we'd better go eat that yoghurt. Homer: I might have broken the phone. Better call Moe. Moe: Oh hey Homer. Homer: Moe will you get off the line! Caleb: I'm Dr. Caleb Thorne. I would do anything to protect a manatee. Except harm another manatee. Marge: What if by harming a manatee you could save two manatees? But before you answer consider this. The manatee you'd have to harm is pregnant! Caleb: Those are the questions that keep me up at night. Homer: Hello Marge, does the Pizza guy take a check. If so, where do we keep the checks. And lastly, how do you write a check? Homer: Hey look, a new restraunt chain! Bart: Can we say It's my birthday and get free stuff. Homer: We'll say it's all our birthdays. Homer: If you'll excuse me I have to use the outhouse again. Wife: But we don't have an outhouse! Country Relative: My recording studio! Marge: I've found a place where I'm needed. Homer: You're needed at home! Marge: And treated like I deserve. Homer: .....You're needed at home!
Homer: Manatees, defend!
Country Relative: Homer are you okay? How many fingers am I holding up? Homer: Poor dumb country mouse. Can't even count!
