Bart: Thinner, thinner, thinner, thinner, too thin, better luck next time. Tommy, Virginia beach. Marge: STOP MAKING A SCENE.
Moe: This is Frankie from the health department, we go way back. Lenny you don't have to hide that rat. Moe: Oh my god he's dead. Wiggum: Okay which one of you guys parked in front of the hydrant. Uh look I didn't see nothing here okay. Just a bunch of innocent guys sitting around, none of them dead. Buy yourselves a nice dinner. Health Inspector: Mr. Syzlack your tavern is rife with healthcode violations. Moe: You gotta be kidding me, like what? Health Inspector: Well for starters the body of my predecessor is still on the floor. Moe: Oh well you see trash day aint till Wednesday. Barney: Sings "Oh Danny Boy"
Homer: Moe's: A Tribute. M is for Moe, the owner of Moe's. O is for the O in the middle of Moe's. E is for acceptance, the feeling I always got here at Moe's. Homer: Put up my house. But I just paid it off. What would Marge say? Moe: :as Marge: Do whatever you have to do to save Moe's. I love my Homey. Moe: Thanks Homer, no one's ever trusted me before. Except for that one guy who shouldn't have. Homer: That was me. Homer: You can't go with me to Moe's. I mean how would you like it if I came with you to your mother's. Marge: I would like it. You never come to my mother's. Homer: That's because I hate her! Moe: One thing Moe Syzlack has never had is a partner. Nor a wife, a friend, a chum, a casual acquaintance, a pen pal, a parrot, a meaningful conversation, a brief hug, or eye contact. I'm just going to call the suicide hotline now. Homer: But I don't want to take care of the kids. Um, how many cigars are they allowed to have? Bart sleeps in the microwave, right? How many magic beans should i sell the baby for, three? Duuuh derrr dah, that's me, jerkass Homer. Marge: This place is a diamond but it's trapped in the rough. Moe: Yeah well the sign still says Moe's so enough of your guff. Marge: Here's my new idea, to sell both beer and grub, we will turn this filthy dive into a proper old time British Pub. Moe: A British whaa? Bart/Lisa: Darts, and meat pies, and lager in pint glasses, what a classy way to get drunk off your asses. Moe: Hey hold the fub, an English pub, that just might work. Everyone: In song! Moe: Oh my bar could be British instead of a pitish, so why don't we all - ah screw it, lets get renovating. Moe: Marge sorry to call you so late but I had a great idea. Put cutesy signs outside the restrooms that say dukes and dames, instead of the ones we have now that say stand-ups and sit-downs.
Announcer: Coming this summer from Dreamworks. Cards! Fifty two jokers play the game of their lives. Child: I don't want to be a three, I want to be a seven! Guy: Shut up kid, you're as crazy as an eight, i'm telling you. Announcer: With Eddie Murphy as the jack of clubs. Eddie: You don't understand, officer. I thought that King was a Queen. Announcer: This summer, the house is full, and the deuces are wild. In Cards. Guy: Hey Jack, you got any twos. Jack: You can't handle the twos!
Homer: Don't worry, they're just friends, there's nothing physical between them. Marge: Homer. Can you hold my wedding ring for a second. My finger's itchy. Homer: Uh oh, I'm going to have to work on my marriage. Or alternatively :eats popcorn:
Homer: Stop this ride! Pimple Kid: You're the boss! Kid: I want to go again, daddy. Daddy...!?
Marge: Moe, your upper lip is trembling. Moe: Oh i'm just excited because they're showing an episode of Boy Meets World on this flight. Oh wait that's only on flights from Europe. We just get that little plane.
Moe: You don't deserve her. You know nothing about Marge. What's her favorite food. Homer: Uh, ice? Moe: Wrong, It's buttered noodles!
Marge: I love you. You're my Homey womey romey domey. Homer: And you're my Margey wargy bargy fargy gargy Margy gargy targy largy.
Marge: You'd be quite a catch if you'd just shower and shave and stop swearing under your breath. Moe: Oh thanks Marge. :mumbling: Know it all bitch.
Marge: Love. Love will keep us together. Homer: Think of me, babe, whenever, Some sweet-talking guy in a thong, Hands you a bong, Don't take a hit, You just got to be strong Marge: You better stop Homer: Cause I want a sandwich Marge: I said stop Homer: Or maybe a manwich.
