Announcer: Tonight, the shocking secret! Host: Ladies, when you were selected, you were told that you'd be dating a billionaire on his private island. Well I'm afraid we mislead you. This isn't an island at all! It's a peninsula! Farmer Billy: Well if you open up one of these here packages and find a golden ticket, you get a tour of Farmer Billy's Bacon Factory. Announcer: Warning: Bacon factory may explode!
Apu: Okay, Farmer Billy's slow killed bacon, Farmer Billy's bacon fed bacon, Farmer Billys travel bacon. Mr Simpson if you really want to kill yourself I also sell hand guns. Singer: This song is about a country I love, you may have heard of it, it's called America. Homer: Hey I know that country! Wiggum: One more assault Simpson and you're going down. Heh, I didn't know I could fit in a bubble, I must be losing weight! Homer: What you doing sweetie? Lisa: I'm drawing a picture of my newest hero. Pie Man. Homer: Gee I thought I had a bigger package than that. Homer: Somebody aught to take him down a peg, or should I say down a pie. Lisa: No I think the expression is peg. Homer: Maybe you're right Lisa, maybe you're pie. Milhouse: Finally, a superhero that kids can love. Nelson: What about fist face. Milhouse: Fist face? Who's fist face? Why wont you tell me who fist face is. I demand you reveal the identity of fist face. Nelson: It's you :punches him: Marge: Ooh, I bet he's Ned Flanders! Homer: Flanders!? He's not man enough to trim my crust, I mean, Pie Man's crust. Uh i'm not Pie Man. Homer: This is for your show's slight decline in quality over the years! Wiggum: Somedays you just don't wanna be a cop, you know. I'm gonna go turn the siren on, that always cheers me up. Hehehe haha hehe Kent: That's good footage. Homer: No trap could hold Homer Simpson! But I'm not Homer Simpson. I'm the Pie Man. Homer Simpson away! I mean, Pie Man. Wiggum: Oh way to go Lou you hit him! Lou: You sound like you're surprised. Wiggum: I'm trying to give you positive re-enforecement, jerk! Lou: That's positive, calling me a jerk? Wiggum: You are a jerk! Lisa: Dad? Homer: Pie man is not your father, little girl! I ... murdered your father. Lisa: Dad, it's obvious you're Pie Man, we've been getting his mail for weeks. Homer: We shall continue this conversation in the pie cave.
Homer: Alright, I'll stop. What do I do with these pies? Lisa: I know one thing you could do! Homer: Hahah, I was in so deep I forgot pies were food.
Homer: I'll keep my promise, honey. Mr. Burns: No looking at pictures of loved ones! Homer: Lousy Burns bald headed :murmers: Mr. Burns: No angry grumbling under your breath!
Pie: Throw me! I'm old and stale! I might just kill him. Ahahahahaaaa! Cake: Don't do it Homer, you made a promise to Lisa! Homer: Since when do I listen to cakes!
Mr. Burns: Simpson! You'll rue the day you took that pie tin, poked holes for eyes and attached a rubber band around the back. Homer: It's not a rubber band it's a scrunchee!
Homer: Oh I can't do this in front of Lisa. Oh why does she have to believe in things!
Apu: Homer Simpson is the pie man? Impossible. He's never thrown away a pastry in his life. Mel: His brain isn't large enough to juggle two contrasting personii. Moe: Yeah and Homer's a dumbass. No offense Homer, you dumbass!
Marge: I know one person who believes you were the pie man, Homey. Me. I've known it all along. Homer: Was it the kiss? Marge: No it was clearly you in that suit. You'd have to be an idiot not to see it from the start!
Homer: Wherever injustice shows its ugly face, I will be there, for I am the Pie Man. Bart: And wherever Pie Man is, the cupcake kid will not be far behind. Marge: While you two are up on the roof, why don't you take the leaves out of the gutter?
