NOTICE: CHARACTER NAMES IN THIS EPISODE REPESENT THOSE OF SPRINGFIELDIENS, NOT CHARACTERS FROM THE STORIES THEMSELVES.Milhouse: No books? But Krabappel wants a paper on Henry the 8th. And I have to score at least a pumpkin sticker or better on it! Homer: I'm Henry the 8th I am, Henry the 8th I am, I am. I've been eating since 6am, for dessert I'll have dinner again, my name's synonomous with gluttony, I'll always eat a turkey or a ham.
Homer: Get out of my dreams and into my wife!
Mage: I could have married the king of France. He wasn't so preoccupied with procreation. Ting a ling a ling. Know what I mean? Homer: Hmm, I understand. And because you stuck to your principals, I'm going to cannonize you. Flanders: I can see my house! Marge: It's not your fault. It's just that you came out the wrong sex and ruined everything. Homer: So grow a penis or get lost. Lisa: :grunts and struggles to grow a penis: I can't. Homer: Bye bye! Flanders: Well why can't your heir be female. Or why can't we elect our leaders? Homer: I wonder if I could cannonize a child? Wiggum: Your head lives for five seconds afterwards, so I left a magazine in the basket. Henry's Wife: Oh! My horoscope. Today will bring welcome new changes into your life. Wrong! Lenny: Welcome to the United States Of America! Carl: Have a flag, and while you're at it, cover your nakedness and worship our lord. Homer: Yeah yeah, I'll get right on it. Homer: I offer you the guidance of my daughter, Sacagawea. In our language, her name means "little know it all who wont shut her maize hole". Lenny: At last, the Pacific Ocean Lisa: That's a mud puddle. Lenny: Some of us find solutions instead of just pointing out problems. Lisa: How did you two ever get to be explorers? Lenny: We got the job because we own a compass. Carl: Turns out the needle was just painted on. Carl: Wow, the Colombia River. Now we just ride this baby down to the Pacific and get us some sweet mermaid sex! Homer: Mozart! He makes Bach turn back, Haydn go into hidin', and well, those are the only ones there have been so far. Homer: Oh little Salieri, why don't you go play with the other three untalented members of our family. Tito, Randy, and Jermaine.
Lisa: Don't you have music to write. Bart: I'm doing it right now. I call this my symphony in 'G', My Sister Sucks.
Lisa: Oh lord, why did you give such transcendent talent to such an undeserving fool? Bart: Because you are uuug-leeey.
Mel: Beans, oh Beans, delicious in your mouth! Girls: But watch out, when beans come out down south, tooting, some call it hooting, it's air polluting, the gas comes shooting, right from your butt butt butt, butt butt butt, butt butt butt, butt!
Lisa: I brought you the very finest doctor in all of Austria. Dr. Nick: Guten tag, everybody! Bart/Lisa: Guten tag, Dr. Nick!
Dr. Nick: Now, in the morning you'll be good as new. Or dead! But the important thing is: we'll know!
Homer: Mozart, you can't die. I don't want to live in a world without the income you produce!
Bart: Eat my pantaloons!
Homer: Mozart is dead! Get your genuine death masks, fresh off the corpse! Be the first on your block to give me money!
Mr. Burns: Splendid young Beethoven. I hereby declare all other music obsolete. Nelson: Ha-ha-ha-haaaa. Ha-ha-ha-haaaa!
Homer: Animal House, house, house. Nobody ever went to class. Then we saw Donald Sutherland's ass! Animal house, house, house, Animal house, house, house. Then they did the end like American Graffiti, where you find out what happened to everyone.
