Marge: Hold your horses! I was up all night fishing out the drawstring from your father's swimsuit! Homer: It came out again! Ralph: I'm going to Africa! To see lions, and giraffe's, and monkey's, and santa, and gorillas, and..
Song: The "Jellyfish" song performed by the band at the Jellyfish festival. Chief Wiggum: Sarah, you're as lovely as the day I first arrested you. Sarah: Oh Clancey! Chief: You know I planted that crystal just to meet you. I was so shy. Ned: Well, Sea Captain, looks like you and I are sailing solo tonight. Sea Captain: Arrrr, you hitting on me? Because I don't do that... on land. Marge: Poor Ned, this is his first Jellyfish festival alone. Homer: I know! And it doesn't get any easier from here. The tongue kissing festival, sincho de ocho, the hobo oscars. Days just made for lovers. Not widowers, lovers. Sara Sloane: Do you have any left handed eyelash curlers? Ned: Do I!? No... I don't. But I can have them here by Tuesdee Sara: Are you for real?
Ned: I'm as real as the nose on your face! Sara: Yeah.. real. Ned: :singing: Yeah I've got a date with a girl with no name, it sure feels good to be back in the game, at dessert, maybe I can ask for her name, cause I can't, prey for her without the right name. Ned: I've got a date with a movie star? Cleaner: Sure you do. And I'm going apple picking with Scooby Doo.. toytoytoytoytoy. Ned: I need your advice. It's about a lady. Homer: Lemme guess... Skinner's mother!? She sure knows how to swing it. Ned: Why would that twinkie want to go out with a ding-dong like me? Homer: Flanders, I mix twinkie's and ding-dong's all the time. In Europe, they call it a Dinkie! Lenny: Uh, excuse me, Ms. Sloane. My I have an autograph. Sara: Sure. Lenny: Oh man this is going right on Ebay. I mean my wall! Which I'll then sell on Ebay. Lenny: Oh, can I just push this plaster cast onto one of your boobs? Sara: Okay, now you are the worst.
Ned: Rod says marco, and darnit if Todd doesn't say polo right back!
Bart: She's had more stars on her than Lisa's homework!
Homer: Who the hell is Mr. Flanders? Oh Flanders. :phone rings: Yellow! Yees, i'm Ned Flanders close personal friend. That's right, hot n' heavy. They've never been happier. Yes, she does look pregnant. Now who might you be? A tabloid? Is that one of those really strong mints? Hello? Hyellow?
Rod and Todd: :singing: Jesus is the rock that rolls my blues away, shooby dooby, yeah, shooby dooby! Sara: You guys are jammin! Rod: Daddy, she swore!
Cletus: Your carpeted floor feels good on my toes.
Ned: I haven't felt this good since we stole the 2000 election. Homer: Hey don't blame me, I voted for the green M&M.
Sara: Sorry, I've found someone nice who doesn't talk like a freak! Ned: Exact-a-tickaly-tackley.
James L. Brooks: Ned, I'm James L. Brooks Ned: Oh, can I call you Jim? James: James L. Brooks is good. How 'bout some sponge cake. Ned: Well, I can't see the harm. James: With a brandy glaze! :laughs evily: Ned: Noooooo! James: Or perhaps you'd like to go to a football game. Ned: Well.. James: We don't have a team! Ned: Noooooo!
Ned: Forgive my language but... I'm one happy camper!
Otto: Dude, what's it like kissing a movie star? Comic Book Guy: What's it like kissing a woman? Apu: Sir, would you ask your sweetheart to sign her autograph for me? Ned: Well, of course.. Wait a minute, this is to adopt two of your kids! Apu: Oh, so it is. I've already dumped three on Mia Farrow. Sucker.
Marge: Now lets go around the room and analyze why we didn't read it. Edna: Cramps. Agnes: All my friends are dead. Helen: Well then, I guess it's time for margaritas.
Sara: Well, I wish someone had read the book since I did invite the author, Helen Fielding. Helen: Oh never mind, as long as they all bought the book, I'll still get the money. Besides, most Americans can't understand the sophisticated subtlety of British humor. I bid you good day :exits the room in Benny Hill style:
Ned: Sweetie, that's not the kind of dress you wear outdoors. Or indoors. Or in a dirty dream.
Ned: This is quite a dill-diddly-emma. Better talk this over with the big man.. Homer. Sara wants us to have s e x! Homer: Stupid Flanders, I'm not giving you any of my secret moves.
Reporter: Screen siren Sara Sloane shocked tinsel town last night with a midnight marriage to Gossford Park megahunk, Bob Balaban. This was followed three hours later by a quickee divorve. Ned: I bet we would have lasted twice that long.
