Dr. Hibbert: It happens every heat wave. Okay people, out of my freezer! Abe: But we're hot and elderly. Dr. Hibbert: I'm sorry, these are for the recently deceased. :to Hans Moleman: Hmm, don't you go too far. Seymour: This air conditioning is better than any truant officer. I'm seeing students I havent seen in years.
Willie: We're wasting more energy than Ricky Martin's girlfriend. Quimby: Gentlemen, our city's sucking down the juice at my wife at an open bar. Mr. Burns: We've syphoned extra power off from the orphanage. Who are they going to complain to? Their parents? Toy: The Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell R-- :power failure: Homer: Jingle Bell what!? Lisa: Dad, it's a blackout. Homer: A blackout? Oh, every time Santa and I get together it's a disaster. Lenny: :on phone with Carl: All the traffic lights are out. Driving sure is dangerous. Carl: Yeah, tell me about it. I got some yuppie jerkoff headed right for me, yakkin away on his cell phone. Lenny: I hear that, I got some big shot barrelin' down on me. Hey, who ya talking to, your boyfriend!? Carl: Hey jackass, your voice sounds familiar. :the two crash into a building: Lenny: I don't hear an alarm. Lets take stuff. Carl: Isn't that stealing? Lenny: No, it's just looting. Arnie Pie: This city has exploded in a fireball of rage. Kent: I think what the viewers want to know, Arnie, is: Is my house okay? Arnie Pie: You mean is your giant castle okay, Kent? Kent: Don't hassel me because I bought at the right time. Arnie Pie: When's my right time, Kent? When's my right time? Wiggum: Alright everyone, disperse immediately. We are prepared to use force a-- what, what? We're not prepared, Eddie? :they are mobbed: Someone call 911! Eddie: Oh, they'd never come. Bart: Look at those looters, breaking things, setting fires. They're living my dream and you wont let me join them. Please can I throw one little- Homer: No! Bart: What if I just burn down a- Homer: No! Bart: Can I at least- Homer: No! I've caused enough trouble already by plugging in that Santa Claus. No more irresponsible behaviour. Bart: Can I have a beer. Homer: Alright, but not the imported. Marge: Homer! Homer: You've got to set limits, Marge! Tatum: I think I speak for myself, Comic Book Guy, and Bumblebee Man when I say I blame Chief Clancy Wiggum. Homer: Yeah, Wiggum couldn't catch cooties at Milhouse's birthday party. Bart: Daaad :pointing out that Milhouse is right next to him: Homer: Oh, seriously, everyone says your parties rock. Marge: Oh forget it, they couldn't catch a cold with a........ a cold.. catching... thing. Homer: See, when you don't use Milhouse, it's hard. Homer: Alright, I've come up with a composite sketch of my prime suspect. Behold! Lisa: Dad, that's Bart. Homer: Exactly. Look at him over there. Eating that apple. What's he planning.. What!?
Homer: Think again, son. You're going to Juvie. Jimbo: But I just got out of Juvie. Homer: Good, cause I need directions.
Snake: Yo, empty the register, dude! Apu: Okay, okay you are the boss. :pushes button: Loud Voice: SILENT ALARM ACTIVATED!
Homer: You know, I've had a lot of jobs: boxer, mascot, astronaut, imitation Krusty, baby proofer, trucker, hippy, plough driver, food critic, conceptual artist, grease salesman, carny, mayor, drifter, bodyguard for the mayor, country western manager, garbage commisioner, mountain climber, farmer, inventor, Smithers, Poochie, celebrity assistant, power plant worker, fortune cookie writer, beer baron, Kwik-E-Mart clerk, homophobe, and missionary, but protecting Springfield, that gives me the best feeling of all.
Homer: I'm starting my own private police force. Will you join me? Carl: Well, who will my partner be? Homer: How about Lenny? Lenny/Carl: Him? No way. Homer: You'll do as I say or I'll have your badges! Once I make and.. give you your badges.
Homer: Flanders, I was able to find your missing leaf blower, belt sander, and morning newspapers. Ned: Nice work, inspector find it! Did you catch the thief? Homer: Who said it was a he? Ned: Well I sure didn't. Homer: Who said you did!? Ned: Nobody. Homer: Wrong answer! Lets go.
Homer's Commercial: Is this you? If it is, don't dial 911. Simply dial 636-555-347-2. Lady: Help me Springshield! Homer: Have no fear! Springshield's present!
Kid: Hey officer Homer, how'd you get so big and strong. Homer: Green vegetables and homework. Kid: Aw shucks!
Homer: First, I'm going to free Otis, the lovable town drunk. Otis: You can let me go, but I'll just keep exposing myself at the mall. Homer: Hehehehe what a character.
Bart: Cool, a lie detector! Lisa is a dork! Lisa is a dork! Lisa is a dork! Lisa: Dad, make him stop! Homer: According to this he's telling the truth.
Kent: With this latest arrest, Springfield is now free of crime, although, overrun with ferrets. Happy days, people. Truly happy days. Wiggum: How come you're not at school. Ralph: My teacher said she's tired of trying. Wiggum: Yeah, well, so am I, Ralphie, so am I.
Announcer: Wow, that's quite a threat! Do you have a song request? Fat Tony: Radar Love. Homer: If that thug thinks he can run me out of town -- oh man I love this song! :sings: I've been driving all night and I sweat on the wheel, there's a voice in my head that drives my heel, It's my baby calling on the killerphone, I got some pizza and I'm bringing it home.
Homer: Now who will stand and fight with me? Ned: I'm with you, Homer. Homer: Shut up, Flanders. Anyone else? What about you, Dr. Hibbert? Dr. Hibbert: Oh, well, I'd love to help you Homer but I have too darn much to live for, I just discovered Thai food. Comic Book Guy: I'd help you but I've yet to kiss a human girl. Sea Captain: Arr! And I've got a Tivo full of unwatched Dharrr-ma and Gregs. Barney: Sorry Homer, I'm a coward now, like all recovering alcoholics.
Lisa: We could come with you. Homer: In one car? With no air conditioning? And the little poop machine going every twenty minutes?
Fat Tony: Did you have a nice flight Johnny Tightlips? Johnny: I aint' sayin' nothin' Fat Tony: How is your mother. Johnny: Oh, hey, who says I have a mother?
Fat Tony: This is the business we have chosen. Marge: But you're just perpetuating a negative Italian-American stereotype. I mean, you could be a pizza man, organ grinder, a leaning tower maker, and uh.. did I say pizza man? Fat Tony: You are listing my broken dreams.
Homer: I finally did a job where I wasn't lazy, stupid, or corrupt. And I'm gonna get killed for it!
Fat Tony: Any last words, Simpson? Homer: Yeah, you can kill me, but someone will take my place, and if you kill him, someone will take his place. And.. that's pretty much the end of it, the town will be yours.
Homer: But this town doesn't deserve me. I'm giving this badge to the next guy I see. Wiggum: That's funny, cause this is how I got the job the first time.
