Lenny: Yeah, you must be some kind of marriage super-genius, how about a few tips? Homer: Certainly, Lenford. Make every day a celebration of your love. Surprise her with a pasta-salad. Put a mini beret on your wang. Lenny: Oh, this stuff is gold. Carl: Happy marriage, here I come. Moe: This will really help with my speed dating! I got four hundred "no's"
Marge: I finally have a peaceful place to sit and hear my own thoughts. :thinks: How much money did he piss away on this? Man: You're about to kill an endangered species! The scream-a-pillar, which has chosen your yard as it's own. Homer: Fine! I wont kill it. :whispers: Finish the job! Scream-a-pillar: :screams: Marge: What does he want now? Homer: If he wants to sleep with us, forget it! Homer: I crushed that horrible bug, what shall I do!? Evil Homer: Bury it, quickly, before anyone finds out. Good Homer: Oooh, I'm gonna tell! Homer: The hell you will! Man: Why don't I hear any screaming? Homer: Uuh, he's sleeping. Man: Then why don't I hear any sleep-screams? Homer: Hmm, well the thing about that is.. Judge: Next case: Duff Man versus Duff Brewing Corporation. Duffman: Duffman's pension has been mismanaged! Oooh yeah! Lawyer: Objection, that party-hardy additude is a registered trademark of the Duff Corporation. Duffman: Whatever happened to fair-use. Oh! Homer: Meals on Wheels, eat it up or I go to jail! Old Man: Didn't these meals used to have a cobbler? Homer: Uuh, they discontinued the cobbler. Old Man: You smell like cobbler. Homer: Now lets not get into who smells like what! Homer: Please don't kill me, I wont tell anyone about the skeleton, and I can bring you more victims. Like Lenny! He go great with wild rice! Mrs. Bellamy: Can I call you the next time I need a muscular he-man? Homer: Hey, I'm not running an employment service, you old ba--- ohhh, you mean me? I'd be delighted. Marge: Let me sew that up for you. Mrs. Bellamy: Make sure you double stitch. Then do these socks. Marge: Darn her socks. I say darn her! I'll do them and then I'm out of here. Seymour: Uh, mother, may I read a magazine while I wait in the car? Agnes: Don't you read enough at school, bookworm? Marge: Oh my gosh! She's dead! Homer: Uh.. guh.. muh... wuh.......... ssszuh?
Wiggum: Well, I'd like to thank you for co-operating with u- DID YOU DO IT!? Marge: Chief Wiggum, Homer and I are innocent. Wiggum: Oh, sorry Marge I can't believe I tried to trick you with such an underhan-- DID YOU DO IT!? Marge: NO! Homer: Now if you'll excuse us we'll just DOES THAT EVER WORK!? Wiggum: No, never does.
Bart: Yeah, if dad killed everyone he talked about killing, would any of us be here? Homer: You'd be dead a million times.
Moe: Well we've all got that voice in our heads telling us to kill, you just have to drown it out. :sings: I've been working on the railroad all the live-long day. Ah, that's better.
Homer: I'd kill for a beer.. Moe: Right away, sir, I don't want no trouble. Homer: Hmmm.. I'd stab somebody for a pickle. Give me some peanuts. Moe: Uh uh uh, you didn't say you'd kill me. Homer: :sigh: I'll kill you if you don't give me some peanuts.
Homer: You know Chief, if you let us go there's a diamond necklace in it for you. Wiggum: I hope you're not suggesting that I would take that necklace as a bribe. Think again, dirt bag. Because I can just swipe it later from the evidence locker!
Homer: Don't worry Marge, I'll cut us a deal by becoming the jailhouse snitch. I know who stocked up the toilet!
Bart: I'm Bart and this is Lisa. Cletus: Dem city names, from now on you're Dengus Squatburg Jr. and Pamela E. Lee. Lisa: But I like my old name. Brandine: You hugh up, Dengus!
Judge: Does the defense have any closing remarks? Gil: Not at this time, your honour. Judge: This is the only time. Gil: Uh, then, no.
Judge: Have you reached a verdict. Man: Verdict? Is that what we were supposed to do? Judge: In all my years on the bench! Man: Cause that's what we did! Judge: You Jury's!
Reverend Lovejoy: Nice dress.
Catholic Minister: Oh, go home and have sex with your wife! Reverend Lovejoy: That's it, bring it on! Criminal: Give me your hands boss. I KILL YOU! I KILL YOU PEOPLE! I'M GONNA KILL YOU TOO! You want some cornbread Mr. Jingles? Well you can forget it. CUZ I'M GONNA KILL YOU!
Stroke Guy: Hello? Myyeeees, governor. Nooooo governor, it's not too late. Mmyyeeees, I'll tell him right away! The governor says he hopes you're a twitcher! Oh yeeesss!
Mrs. Bellamy: There never was a Mrs. Bellamy. :rips off head: Carmen: Only me! Carmen Electra! Homer: I knew it! Guy: And I'm some actor they hired! Carmen: Frame-up is Fox's latest hit! Right after No Pants Island and Fart Date.
Wiggum: And I'm gonna be in the show. Carmen: Yes. Wiggum: Can Ed and Lou have producer credits. Guy: Now what are your last names? Lou: We don't have them. We're like Cher.
