Apu: This is supposed to be our special time together. Manjula: Some special time, I get to stand around watching you sell fatty poisons to overfed Americans. Comic Book Guy: You think that would deter me, but no! Apu: Please, could you just take the children home? The porno magazine buyers are too embarassed to make their move. Look. Moe: C'mon!
Apu: Clean up in all the aisles. :sigh: Apu: Welcome, steady customer. I see you are ready for the civil war re-enactment. Homer: I need some supplies. I keg of beer, and a six pack to hold me till I tap the keg. Apu: Here you go. Homer: Thanks. Are you sure you don't want to come? In a civil war re-enactment we need lots of Indians to shoot. Apu: I don't know what part of that sentence to correct first, but I cannot come. Homer: The Squishee Lady! Oh my god. I know you must get this all the time, but can I suggest a flavour. Squishee Lady: Go ahead. Homer: Grape. Seymour: Now, the actual battle was fought over there, where that man is standing, but he wont move, so we'll do it here. Lenny: Bang, bang! Carl: Pow, pow! Moe: Hit with stick, hit with stick! Lenny: Gentlemen I hereby surrender. Carl: OW! Not the pointed end, you dumbass. Seymour: Tanks? Oh this is just too inaccurate. Frink: Ah, well then, you're definitely not going to like my steam powered super spider, with the stepping, and the squishing, and the webs made with nylon. Apu: Oh Squishee Lady, you've had less than eight kids, haven't you! Haven't you! Homer: Nothing, nothing, there's nothing eating me up inside. Marge: :reads Homer's expressions: Oh, it must be something big. Something you did? Something you saw. :gasps: Apu is having an affair? Homer: I know! Can you believe it? Oh, Manjula is just going to die. Manjula: Oh, Apu, you keep scoring while my back is turned. Are you sure you're not cheating. Apu: Now Manjula, do you want me to find another partner? Marge: No, no! No no lets just keep playing. What's the score? Homer: Thirty-Love, I mean, Thirty-Love, I mean, anyone for penis? Oh! I'll just get the shuttle cock. Homer: :sings a song at Apu and Manjula's wedding: Homer: Lets tell Krusty. Marge: What would that accomplish? Homer: That guy's hilarious. His reaction would be priceless. Homer: Apu is cheating! Krusty: That's sad. All those kids. Homer: I think he's building to something.
Homer: So anyway, if you take that bottle around and pass it around... Apu: I know, I know, there will be forty-seven bottles of beer on the wall!
Apu: I am scum! Homer: Yeees. You are scum.
Manjula: Not tonight. I said, not tonight! Wait, something's wrong, why aren't you pressuring me for sex.
Apu: Oh I'm just happy to lie here appreciating and respecting you. Manjula: Okay buster, what is going on. Apu: Nothing. How could you even accuse me of repeated infidelity. Oh I'm so angry I could just fall asleep.
Manjula: I took the tape out of the store surveillance camera. Look. Squishee Lady: Oh Apu! Scratch and Win! Apu: Mmmm, that's good adultery!
Marge: Oh, Homer. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Homer: You bet I am
:Homer Thinks:
Hahahahaha! You can run, but you can't glide! Homer: Hehehe! U S A! U S A!
Marge: But if we remind Apu and Manjula why they fell in love, maybe they can work out their problems? Homer: Yeah, cuz if they don't :gun sound effects: Pew! Pew Pew!
Marge: Manjula, we've got a special guest for you. Manjula: Is it my husbands whore? Marge: Even better! Homer: This is going great!
Delivery Man: Hey pallie, where do you want the Fudge Mahal? Homer: Uh, we didn't order that. Can I lick your fingers? I'll meet you at the mail slot.
Marge: Manjula, come quick! The Octuplets said their first words! Kids: Mommy | Will | You | Let | Daddy | Come | Back | Cookie! Apu: Number one, break up with squishee girl. Well, that's a no brainer. Number two, lose weight. Number three, get cartoon published in New Yorker. Number four, legally change name to Slime Q. Slime Dog. Number five, wear nametag that says same. Marge: I know a great name tag place, they do fabulous work!
Milhouse: My Smooshie tastes like a shopping bag. Lisa: Mine tastes like dog fur. Apu: Yes, but look at the delivery man. He is hideous. Man: Ooh a challenge!
Homer: I bought the issue for Richard Avadon's pictures of Lenny.
Manjula: You've completed the list, you may now move back in with your family and your never ending disgrace. Homer: Wait, wait, you forgot to eat a light bulb. Apu: Oh, thankyou very much you big fat blabbermouth. Sorry, sorry, it's been a rough month. Homer: Here you go. Don't worry, I soaked it in the toilet to soften it up.
