Bart: Ah yeah I'll have the shark butt with butt sauce! Marge: Bart! Waiter: Oh excellent choice sir!
Lisa: Um, how is the feast of twelve delights with triple happiness sauce? Waiter: Very disappointing. Lisa: Then I'll have the sweet and sour rice. Waiter: Oh very good. Is there any way we can enhance your dining experience by hurting an animal? Lisa: No! Homer: These fortunes are terrible. They're supposed to predict stuff and ease you through times of doubt and sickness. Manager: Well with all due respect sir I suppose you could come up with better fortunes? Homer: You will be aroused by a shampoo commercial. Manager: That's not bad! Manager: This gentleman here can write better fortunes than all of you put together. Show them! Homer: Okay lets see, um... The price of stamps will climb ever higher. Homer: You will invent a humerous toilet lid; You will find true love on flag day; Your store is being robbed, Apu. Are you getting all this, Lisa? Lisa: I.. don't know. Lenny: You are a real winner. That fortune really nailed me! And my winning ways! Sea Captain: You will take a short sea voyage... Yarr, I'll enjoy that! Burns: Fourteen dollars and ten... eleven.. twelve cents. There you go! Guy: You know sir, tipping is customary. Burns: Ooh, me sorry. Me no speak-e chinee. Burns: This cookie feels heavy as if there's some paper inside. :Burns struggles to break cookie, but a snap is heard: Skinner: Nice job, sir! Burns: That was my thumb! Burns: You will find true love on Flag Day. Why it's Flag Day today :gasp: True love at last! Skinner: Well it's just you and me here, sir! Burns: No time for jokes, Smithers. Come along, we're going womanizing. Skinner: Oh goodie. Burns: Great heavens! It's one of those nude female fire stations! I'd always be second place to some kitten stuck in a tree. Let's go Smithers.... Smithers? Smithers: :stuck in corner with 3 women: Ugh... help!.. Help! Gloria: You're a nice guy, Monty. You're always laughing and denting your fingers. I like that. Burns: Excellent! Gloria: And you're so upbeat. You think everything's excellent! Gloria: I really feel safe with you. It's like going out with my brother. Burns: :thinking: Yes! It's going great! Gloria: So.. what are you into? Burns: In.. to? Gloria: Yeah like.. what's a fun day for a hundred and four year old. Burns: Oh I enjoy all the popular youth trends like uh.. piloting motor coaches and uuuh... collecting dog waste! Burns: Tell my young sweetheart here of our youthful exploits. Homer: Uuuummmm. Burns: Play along, chubsy. There's a pie in it for you. Homer: Oh! Yeah! Monty's a wild man! Burns: Well done, young man. Your youthfull trendiness will come in handy throughout the process. Because these days you d.... Where did you get that pie? Homer: Window cell. Old Lady: Daaaaaahaar You! Burns: Put my hand on her knee. Homer: Yes, Mr. Burns. Burns: I said her. And I said knee! Homer: Oh! Sorry... [ Marge and Homer after loudly making love. The kids heard, as well as Flanders next door ] Carl: Burns looks happy today. Watch me take advantage of his good mood. Uuh, Mr. Burns. Can I have a raise? Burns: Clean out your desk, you're gone! Carl: Well, I had a good run. Burns: Once again my dear you've beaten two strapping young bucks! Gloria: Excellent! Burns: Did you hear that? That "excellent" was... Excellent! Burns: Back in a moment my dear we have to umm... expell some urine! Gloria: Monty! It's beautiful! Homer: :excited: Oh my god oh my god oh my god!!! Snake: You're looking good, baby. Why did we ever break up? Gloria: You pushed me out of a moving car! Snake: The cops were chasing us I needed to lighten the load. And, um.. protect you. Ha ha. Homer: Let go of her! Or I'll scream. AAh! AHHHHH! AAAH! Snake: I'm gonna win you back even if I have to pistol whip this guy all night. Homer: Pistol whip!? :daydreams: Mmmm.. pistol whip!
Burns: How could this ever have happened? Kent: Well according to our audience insta-poll, 46% say you're too old. And 37% say: she's a skank!
Wiggum: We'll track down Simpson with your vehicles anti-theft system. System: Car gone! Car gone! Wiggum: Yeah, we know that. Where has it gone to? System: Cargon! Cargon! Cargon!
Lou: Uh chief, this yokel says he saw Simpson drivng out near hicktown. Cletus: Yuh-huh! My peepers don't lie! Wiggum: That's nice work, Lou. Lock him up. Cletus: Huh? Hey! Hey I want that lawyer what wears a cowboy hat!
Snake: Get off my lawn, coppers! Or I'll totally turn the sprinklers on! Wiggum: Come on, Snake. You don't wanna soak all these people!
Wiggum: Well we have an officer sneaking around the house Kent, so unless they have a television in there or can hear my loud talking.. :gunshot is heard: Eh... Cop: Ow! Ow! Ow! Wiggum: Well I guess that answers that, doesn't it.
Wiggum: It's too dangerous. But I've got a sister you might like! She's completely hairless like those cats. Burns: I don't care if she's Miss Hairless America. I'm spoken for. Step aside, I'll save Gloria myself.
Wiggum: No offence but you're a decripped monkey skeleton! Burns: Perhaps! But this monkey skeleton is in love!
Kent: I know you've been through a lot, Ma'am. But we need you to stand in front of the burning house and say "Channel Six is Hot Hot Hot!"
Burns: Never forget Homer. There's no muscle stronger than the human heart. Homer: What about the weiner? A guy on TV lifted a can of paint with his!
