**Apologies for the audio quality of this episode's sound files Homer: Hey, wait a minute.. airport tax, five dollars? Lady: Sir, It's a standard fee. Homer: Well, we are not boarding that plane unless you wave that tax. :angrily: Wave it! Hobo: Mornin, folks! Homer: What are you gonna do to us? Hobo: Now don't worry, I'm not a stabbin' hobo, I'm a singin' hobo! :singing: Nothing beats the hobo life! Stabbin' folks with my hobo knife! Moe: Wait, where's Lenny? Lenny: Hello!? Can anybody hear me? Willie: I think I've found a way oot! It's not pretty, but It'll do! Lisa: 'Scuse me, Paul Bunyin never fought Rodan. And his size seems to be really inconsistant. I mean, one minute he's 10 feet tall, the next his foot is as big as a lake. Hobo: Hey, hey.. who's the hobo here!? Lisa: I'm just saying! Frink: M-whey, that meteor is headed straight for us, with the fire and the impact and the hundred percent chance of PAIN! PAIN IN THE GLAVING! Homer: When I'm crushing and killing you, you hate me, but suddenly when I can save your life, I'm Mr. Popular. Lenny: Yep, that's pretty much it. Homer: Woohoo! I'm Mr. Popular! Hehehehehehe! Homer: This one's for the little crippled boy.... that I crippled. Hobo: Well, I 'spose I could spin you a few more yarns, but first, who wants to give me a sponge bath. I'm filthy! Homer: All right, but your next story better be good. Hobo: Now, get in there... don't be shy. Hobo: This is Southside Jake, tearin' into Tincan Tilly. Homer: Oh, this'll be good!
.. Jake: Who put the beans in my bindell.. Tilly: Oh I'm so tired of you sayin' that I put beans in your bindell... it just makes me so.. Jake: Do you ever shut up? Tilly: Kiss me you fool!
:Hobo starts making out with himself:
.. Lisa: Uuh, can we hear another tall tale? Homer: Cleaning my gun with the safety off, safety off, safety off, cleaning my gun with the... :gun shoots, kills a Buffalo: Lisa: Dad, you just killed a poor defenceless Buffalo! Homer: A poor delicious Buffalo! He'll be dinner for the whole wagon train! :he shoots again: Lisa: Why'd you kill another one? Homer: Dessert! Voice: Connie! Lisa: Huh? Voice: Connieeee! Lisa: That tree! It seems to be calling to me! Of course! Apples! Hans Moleman: No, Connie.. over here! Help me! Hobo: So Connie roamed the prarie alone, planting appleseeds along the way. She even changed her last name to Appleseed. And the family changed theres to Buffokill. Nelson: I'm considerable hungry, we got any food left? Bart: Hmm, looks like we're out of corn pone, fat back, hard tack, fat pone, corn tack... Nelson: Any tack back? Bart: Tack back!? Nelson: I mean.. back tack.. Bart: All out. [ Homer has to stay behind and give the hobo two more spongebaths. He has a conversation with him about his body ]
