Lisa: That Ad Campaign may have crossed a line. Homer: Ah what can you do? Sex sells.
Marge: You should have left for work an hour ago! Homer: They said if I come in late again I'm fired. I can't take that chance! Milhouse: Woah! It's like Speed 2. Only with a bus instead of a boat! Lisa: Oh it's tough being the new kid, somebody should go talk to her. Bart: Yeah, somebody should. One hour dry cleaner? Man, that's fast! Lady: Your baby is dead! That's what you'd hear if your baby fell victim to the thousands of death traps lurking in the average American home. Marge: Springfield Baby Proofing? Homer: Y.. you really scared us! Lady: Sorry about that. But the truth is, your baby, Maggie Simpson, is dead! Dead tired of baby-proofers who don't provide a free estimate! Homer: That's a pretty big kaboose for a baby! Marge: Homer don't be.. wow, that IS huge. Lady: You see how quickly your baby could have been drinking this... Similac Baby Formula!? Homer: This is such an eye-opener. I always pictured the kids dying in the living room! Bart: Look at the new kid hogging the teeter-totter! It's like she owns the place. Milhouse: Yeah! She thinks she's Babe, Pig In The City! Homer: Back in Grade School I had a bully problem myself!
-flashback sequence- Homer: :singing, while punching nerd: Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting! Those kicks were fast as lightning!
-end flashback- Homer: Good times! Homer: That baby-proofing crook wanted to sell us safety covers for the electrical outlets. But I'll just draw bunny faces on them to scare Maggie away. Marge: She's not afraid of bunnies! Homer: She will be! Lisa: How bout Jazz? You like Jazz? Milhouse: I like Jazz! Lisa: Milhouse? She got you too? Milhouse: Yeah, but it's not so bad. I'm standing on Ralph! Ralph: We're a totem-pole! Homer: Look, I already encased the telephone in concrete. Marge: How are you supposed to dial? Homer: Reach into these holes! I use a carrot. Marge: Isn't that a little excessive? I mean, how are the buttons dangerous!? Homer: Baby could order poison! Marge: Oh that's ridiculous!
[Homer dials numbers] Phone Announcer: Poison Delivery Service! A gift basket of poisons is on it's way. Marge: Oh I'm a horrible mother! Nelson: Why are you throwing tomatoes at yourself, huh? Why are you throwing tomatoes at yourself? Martin: Your very question is faulty!
Drederick Tatum: And so as heavyweight champion, recognized by nine of the fourteen sanctioning bodies, I sincerely urge you all to stay in school. Uhh, thankyou.
Lisa: Mr. Tatum, do you mind if I swab you with this damp rag. Drederick Tatum: No, not at all, swab away. Woah woa.. nobody mentioned a beaker! Lisa: Please! It's for science! Drederick Tatum: Oh, for science? In that case, proceed.
Drederick Tatum: Hey, cut it out, I insist that you desist! Nelson: Sorry! I'm so sorry! :punches tatum: Please don't hurt me! Drederick Tatum: You leave me little recourse!
Homer: :singing: You can dance! You can dance! Everybody look at your pants!
Homer: Babies of Springfield, we need your help! Please, skin your knees! Put dice up your nose! Let cat's sleep on your face!
Frink: Scientists.. scientists, please! Looking for some order. Some order please, with the eyes forward and the eyes neatly.. folded and the... PI IS EXACTLY THREE! Sorry it had to come to that..
Lisa: I have isolated the chemical which is omitted by every geek, dork, and four-eyes. I call it "poindexdros". Homer: WOOHOO! Simpsons Rule!..... sorry.
Homer: So all her bullying was just to get some attention. Lisa: No, dad didn't you listen to anything I said? Homer: Just to get some attention!
