"Me Wantee" Host: Yesterday we asked if you wanted to risk it all for 500 thousand dollars and you stalled for 20 minutes! Moe: Yes, yes I did, I was told to. Host: Hey that's great.
Krusty: Folks, I've been in showbiz for 61 years. But now these jerks have sucked all the fun out. I don't need twelve suits telling me which way to pee. Executive (Man): For "pee", could you substitute "whiz"? Executive (Woman): I dunno, that could upset the Cheese Whiz people. Executive (Man): I was just thinking that. Executive (Man): Quitting showbiz, yeah I like the area, but where does it go? Krusty: Get away from me! Homer: A world without Krusty... what would that be like?
[start 'dream' sequence] Homer: What's on TV? Bart: Nutsy The Clown! Homer: Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!
[end 'dream' sequence] Marge: I think it's good for a show to go off the air before it becomes stale and repetitive. Smithers: [Bursts through door] Maggie shot Mr. Burns again! Chief Wiggum: Hey Kent. Are you guys still having that contest where you guess which city the weather girl is in? Kent: Heh.. that was eight years ago! Chief Wiggum: Is it Pittsburg? Krusty: I taped over all my old episodes. You know, I had a thing for Judge Judy and blank tape was $3.99. What would you do? Prison Guard: Hey, hey, Lights out. Sideshow Bob: Oh honesty! At Cheeno they get to stay up till '9! Prison Guard: Now Bob, I've talked to the warden at Cheeno and that's just not true. Sideshow Bob: The Prison Book Club consists mainly of prisoners who club me.. with books! Chief Wiggum: Now don't try anything funny this time, Bob. I'm going to be on you like red beans on.. hey.. hey don't walk so fast! Hey no fair, you got long legs, I got these little bitty hooves. Bob! Sideshow Bob: Phase one begins in ten... nine... eight..... Oh I can't wait! Skinner: But I am a bit troubled about your constant attempts to murder people. Sideshow Bob: To be fair.. most of those people were Bart Simpsons. Skinner: Good luck! That kids like the Roadrunner, he won't go down! Sideshow Bob: It begins.... Muahahahahahahahahahaa.. I mean my.. announcing career. Bart: Hey I'm not afraid of you, every time we tangle, you wind up in jail. I'm six and zero. Sideshow Bob: I'll admit that the record is a little one sided. But this time.. I cannot fail [runs into a rake] uuuuhh. Rakes.. my old arch enemy.
Sideshow Bob: Watch the shiny quarter Bart... that's it. Oh dammit, where'd it go? I needed that for laundry!
Bart: Hey stupid.... Haha, you looked! Sideshow Bob:[murmurs]
Sideshow Bob: Watch the spiral Bart, let it entrance you with it's twirliness.... twirliness.... You are in my power. Bart: I am at your command. Sideshow Bob: I didn't say anything about command. If you are in my power, say so. Bart: I am in your power. Sideshow Bob: Excellent. Actually.. go back to command. No, power.. power!
Bart: Hello family. Marge: Where have you been young man, it's nearly bed time. Bart: I was... I was... Sideshow Bob: If anyone asks... you were at the flower shop. Bart: I was at the flower shop. Homer: Oh yeah, uh.. I was at the flower shop too. Yep. Getting drunk at the ol' flower shop.
Sideshow Bob: That's it! Kill Krusty. Just like you'll kill him tomorrow night. Chief Wiggum: Ah, it's so great to see a kid using a wooden bat. These days it's always aluminium this and George W. that. Lou: Hey Chief, look what I got in my laughy meal! Chief Wiggum: Oh! Mini Pinball!
Flashback Krusty: Look at me, I am Kaputnik the Russian Satellite. Oh the Bolshoi's doing the Nutcracker in my pants! Krusty: Back then you couldn't say 'pants' on TV. I was banned for ten years.
Dr. Hibbert: Three years ago, Krusty pledged over a million dollars to start Krusty's Care Center. Krusty: Please, stop already. Dr. Hibbert: To this day, Krusty hasn't given us a dime! Has he Frances? Frances: I'm cold.. all the time! Krusty: Aw look, it was all a Book-keeping snaffoo. Dr. Hibbert: Could I have the check now? Krusty: NOW!? Uh, sure. Frances: God bless you, Krusty. Krusty: And if my banker's watching, let nothing STOP you from PAYMENT of this check.
Krusty: [singing] Oh Bob! You repaid my abuse with raw hatred. But I need you today. Oh Bob! When you went to Apu's and you framed me. So they locked me away...
Executive (Woman): Oh god! A bomb! Executive (Man): I was just thinking that.
