Bart: Good pancakes, mom! Marge: Thank you honey! They come in a squeeze bottle now! :she squeezes, it makes a flatulent noise: Woo! Uh, I better put on the silencer.
Lisa: Eeew, how long has this baking soda been in here? Marge: I dunno, it came with the house. Bart: Hey dad, I bet you five bucks you can't eat the whole box! Homer: Five? Why don't we make it fifty. Ooh, you're going to regret this! Lisa: I'll call Poison Control. Milhouse: Can I see the fifty Bart, can I? Huh? Bart: Milhouse my friend, you and I are going on a spending spree. Milhouse: My doctor says I'm not supposed to go on spree's. Bart: What about jags? Milhouse: Jags are fine. Bart: Wonderful. Bart: Ooh! Too much raw bacon! Milhouse: Come on, Bart. We can't stop spending now. There's one thing I've always wanted to do. My mom doesn't believe in fabric softener. But she's not around. Hehehehe! Bart: I'm picking the next thing. Comic Book Guy: Please do note, this is no ordinary comic book. It is in mint condition. If you spill soda on it, the drops fly off harmlessly onto lesser comics. Bart/Milhouse: Wooooah Comic Book Guy: 'Tis a quite corrective gasp. [ Homer reminisces about the time he was banned from seeing Gallagher's performances. ] Homer: Don't worry your spikey little head. I've got it all planned out. Bart: How could you have it planned out, you just heard about the problem. Homer: You're right. Give me a minute. Hmmm... Homer: :putting on accent: Hellooo. I'm Shaquille O'Neill. Let us in, please! Tom Savini: Good evening :burps: Uh, sorry. I had a really big dinner. Homer: Woo! Dinner! Bart: Yeah! That should be us covered with blood. Comic Book Guy: Breath.. short... left..arm.. numb. Can't go on.. describing.. symptoms much longer :collapses: Dr. Hibbert: Young man, you've had what we call a cardiac episode! Comic Book Guy: Worst episode ever. Dr. Hibbert: You... do have friends, don't you? Comic Book Guy: Well... the SuperFriends... Dr. Hibbert: Calm down. Don't make me put a dog heart in there! Milhouse: Okay, here's Comic Book Guy's instructions. A carton of malten milk balls, one box confectioner sugar, a can of chocolate frosting. Bart: That's just his shopping list. Milhouse: No.. it's his instructions. Bart: Uh uh. You've gotta be 40 inches tall for the adult section. Ralph: Pleeeeease? Bart: Okay. But get on your tippy-toes. Ralph: Everybody's hugging! Homer: Now, when you've got a bumbed ticker like we do, you need all the friends you can get. And Moe's is the friendliest place in the rum district.
:they enter the bar and Moe has a gun pointed at somebody's head:
Moe: Uh, let me buy you a drink. Comic Book Guy: Very well. I will have a shot of Cranberry Scnappes. Moe: Haha... uh, these are... they're just painted on there. Comic Book Guy: Beer is the nectar of the nimwit. Carl: Hey, are you knocking beer? Lenny: Nobody badmouth's Duff! :he smashes a bottle, it cuts him: Aw, piece of crap!
Comic Book Guy: Oh please. If I wanted to hear mindless droning I'd befriend an air conditioner. Moe: Oh now he's raggin' on air conditioners. Carl: Hey they keep us cool in the summer, pal. Lenny: Get 'im!
Agnes: Out of the way, Tubby. Comic Book Guy: Oh pardon me, Oldie Hawn. Agnes: Uh.. Why you ill-mannered sack of crap! Comic Book Guy: Oh goodie. Now I know whatever happened to Baby Jane. Agnes: You are the rudest man who ever... bought me dinner! Comic Book Guy: Correction. I do not believe I ever bought you... oh!
Bart: We'll never sell these. Birds won't even use them in their nests!
[ Milhouse yells at Bart about the business ]
Milhouse: He's got the tape of Kent Brockman picking his nose. Look! He's picking his nose!
Marge: Oh look at you two. You look so couple-y. Comic Book Guy: Yes, we're a perfect match. Her sneer just lights up my day. Agnes: And we're always finishing each other's insults.
Bart: I must warn you that once this next tape starts, it will not stop! Because that button is broken.
Chief Wiggum: This place has got more pirated tapes then uuh... Lou: A Chinese K-Mart? Chief Wiggum: That'll have to do.
Scene: But the owner is in more hot water than.... Lou: A Japanese teabag? Chief Wiggum: Why don't you lay off the Asians, Lou.
