[ Bart plays around with the hot and cold water taps while Homer is in the shower. He cleverly turns the taps on at the right level for him to play the tune of 'Jingle Bells' ]
Old Man: Ever notice after dialysis you get... the munchies! Jasper: He's saying the stuff we all forgot. Old Man: And you know what I can't open... cabinets! Abe: Can he say that? Old Man: And you know what else scares me? Everything! Abe: [singing] What's new, Pussycat? [cracks knee] Oww, ow ooow ow. What's new, Pussycat? [breaks back] Oh, god noooo. Coffin Salesman: The monuments are completely self-cleaning, and there is an optional weeping widow service. Lady: Wally wally wally!!!!!! [ping noise, lady moves to another grave] Irving. Oh Irving! Abe: Oh! Bury me over here! Homer: What on earth are you doing? Lisa: Practicing Tennis! Homer:That's Tennis? Oh... then what's the one where the chicks wail on each other? Bart: Foxy Boxing? Homer: Yes.. that's what I wanted! Marge: And it's gonna do wonders for our social life! Homer: Yeah, it's be nice to entertain friends and have people over. Ned: Hey, you got a tennis court? Homer: Keep walking, Flanders. Ned: Will do... Homer: Faster! Homer: Hey this was a lot of fun guys. Lenny: Yeah, we never knew nobody with their own tennis rink. Carl: So what happens now.. is the food free or do we pay someone? Lenny: 'Course not. They send you a bill. Carl: Well that's why I asked! That's how you lean, by asking, ya dumbass! Kent: That's game, set, and match to us. But the real winners here are Marge's Hors' Douvers. Homer: Wow, how do you come up with such witty remarks. Kent: Haha, well... [camera moves to van parked outside with a speaker link to Kent's ear] Guy: C'mon, c'mon, hurry up! [waits for other to finish typing. Reads] "I guess you could say, it's my racket!" Kent: I guess you could say, I'm Iraqi! Homer: *gasps* Get off my property! Dr. Hibbert: This is such a beautiful day, I don't know why we don't operate outside more often. [One of Homer's tennis balls falls from sky into open wound] Time of death.. 10:15. Homer: Good news, honey, I've found a way to prove to the town we're not losers. I've entered us in a doubles tournament. Marge: What!? But we're not ready to compete! Homer: Don't worry, the tournament's not 'til tomorrow. Homer: So Barney's like... "you're on your own, duuude" and I'm like "not even!" Lisa: I don't know what this has to do with the Civil War. Homer: I'm getting to that. Homer: Just to be safe, maybe I should chain him up. Lisa: Dad, I think you're over-reacting! Homer: I think you're under-reacting! Lisa: This session is over. Homer: This session is under. Lisa: Goodbye! Homer: Badbye! Lisa: Are you sure you want me to be your doubles partner? Homer: Absolutely, sweety. Lisa: And you're not doing it out of spite? Homer: Of course not. Now.. aim for your mother's heart! Bart: Telegram for Lisa Simpson. Homer: Don't listen, it's a trick! Bart: Dear Lisa. Psyche. Psyche psyche psyche. Signed Super-Psyche. Homer: I think he's trying to psyche you out! Marge: Look, we're all trying to have dinner, so why don't we just.. Psyche psyche psyche! Smithers: Oh, where did you buy that novelty hand, sir? Mr. Burns: This? Oh that's just fluid collecting. Homer: Well, look who's here. You two are going down. Marge: No we're not. You're going down! Homer: Did you hear that!? She said we're going down! Homer: Hey, that's great. Listen, I need a new doubles partner. My little girl's a lead weight. Serena: You're dumping your own daughter? Homer: Yeah, but only to crush my wife and son! Serena: That's horrible! Venus: Yeah, that's pretty low. Homer: Hmm.. you seem less disgusted, let's go! Lisa: Venus Simpson? You're replacing me? Homer: Now Lisa, dumping's such a harsh word. Lets just say I'm replacing you. Homer: Which one am I, Serena or Venus? Bart: You're Andre! I'm Serena. Homer: Hehehe. You're a girl!
