Marge: They're unveiling a combination Apron-smock! It's called a Smapron! Homer: Did you say smockron!? Marge: No, smapron!
Announcing: Well don't feel too bad for him folks, he's here for erecting a nativity scene on city property! Marge: There's so much evil in the world! Clown #1: Is my lipstick even? Clown #2: Go like this *puckers lips together three times* Marge: How's your back, Homey? Homer: I can't complain! :points to sign: Guy: No, that's for prisoners, you can complain all you want. Marge: This is Marge Simpson. I'm here to teach an art class. Guy: Ooooh, art class. La-di-daaah. Cop: Zack Frost, he's going to solitary Guy: Ooooh, solitary. La-di-daaah. Marge: Question? Prisoner: Can I smell your dress? Jack: Hey! You show some respect! This one here's not for smelling. Marge: Why thankyou, Jack! Jack: No problem, now, lets paint. Prisoner: :to Jack: Hey can I smell your clothes? Jack: Well, if you really gotta know.... I shot a guy named Apu. Marge: Oh, well you know lots of people shoot Apu. It's just a hundred dollar fine now. Homer: Less yackin' more cracking. Chiropractor: Now Homer, we don't actually crack backs, it's merely an adjustment. Okay, you're going to hear a loud cracking sound. *crack* there we go! Guy: He wasn't so polite to the guy he shot! Apu: Actually he was. He waited with me till the ambulance came and then ran like a deer. Homer: Oh my back! Dr. Steve didn't do anything! Bart: Did you do those exercises he gave you? Homer: Yeah right. I did them while you were studying. Hehe. Lenny: So Homer, you think you can fix my Cyatica? Homer: Hmm, I don't know what that is so I'm going to say yes. Now go limp. Lenny: I'm limp! Homer: One two, better not sue! Jack: Listen, if you're done with that washing machine, could I put some booze in it? Marge: Not until you finish my sundae! Jack: Yes ma'am. Marge: What's wrong with my sundae's? Skinner: You know, when superintendant Chalmers suggested a mural, I almost thought he said a school Muriel.... ahah....... Muriel's his sister, and uh... Marge: Just because he's an ex con.. Skinner: Crowley's an ex-con? Good lord I pee'd in front of him! Marge: Oh chief, I found some evidence that points to the real arsonist.
Wiggum: Well lets see it Marge: Not yet. You have to guess what it is! Skinner: We don't have time for guessing games. Wiggum: Nah, let's try it, it might be fun. Is it DNA? So it's like DNA. A hatchet? Skinner: You had a turn, I want a guess!
Marge: You crumb bum! You looked right in my eye and lied to me! Jack: Marge this is the god' truth. I burned the mural. But I did not burn Skinner's car. Marge: I just saw you! Get him outta here, chief!
Scene: Chief Wiggum and Jack Crowley discuss television shows, from the end of the episode.
