Marge: They told us what to wear, how to dress, which clothes we should put on.
Homer: Then we figured out we could park them in front of the TV. That's how I was raised, and I turned out TV. Marge: Homer kept saying he could do a more realistic family show. Finally I said, "So do it. Either **** or get off the pot." Narrator: And **** he did.. Homer: Honey, I'm home. The boss is coming to dinner and I need a clean shirt. Marge: I haven't done the laundry yet. Homer: Mama mia! Now I'll have to do it! Lisa: Dad, that's too much detergent.. Homer: Not now, I'm busy turning on this washing machine. Bart: Simpson! Where's my dinner?! Homer: Mama mia!
............. Lisa: It was amazing how fast Dad betrayed his vision of a realistic show. Marge: Okay, the material was a little corny, but Homer and I had real chemistry onscreen. Homer: Every day I thought about firing Marge ... you know, just to shake
things up. Narrator: He tried to show his demo tape to the major networks... But couldn't get past the guards. Marge: Fortunatelly, I had a network connection. The man who cut my hair was also the president of FOX. Bart: I first knew the show was a hit when I walked into school and a kid was wearing a Bart Simpson t-shirt. Fox had an endless supply of clever slogans, man. Lisa: Suddenly I was invited to every birthday party. Sometimes I'd have to read the cake just to know who I was singing to. Bart: The funniest stuff came right out of real life.
... Homer: Son, let's go out for frosty chocolate milkshakes. Bart: Cowabunga, dude! Director: And, cut. Bart: Dad, I've never said "cowabunga" in my life! Your script sucks! Homer: Why, you little...! [chokes Bart] Director: Hey, that's funny!
... Homer: And that horrible act of child abuse became one of our most beloved
running gags. Marge: We were using fifty dollar bills as toilet paper, and toilet paper as dog toilet paper. Narrator: Convinced that the good times would never stop rolling, the Simpsons moved out of their trademark house and into M.C. Hammer's.
Bart: We found a secret room that was filled to the ceiling with parachute pants. I'm wearing some now!
The Simpsons: We're gonna groove tonight, We'll make you feel alright, Simpsons Boogie Narrator: "Simpsons Boogie", "Lovely to Love Your Lovin'", and "Simpsons Christmas Boogie" went mega-platinum and swept the Grammys.
Ozzy Osborne: Right, and the award for best hardcore thrash metal goes to "Simpsons Christmas Boogie"?!
Homer: I want to set the record straight -- I thought the cop was a prostitute.
Narrator: But behind the streamers and confetti, storm clouds were gathering... *Figurative* storm clouds.
Moe: Oh, Homer was spending money like a teenage Arab, heh. He bought me a Rolex and, uh, Cashmere jeans. I felt kinda guilty 'cause I was always trying to score with his wife. So, when do we start filming? ...Oh.
Lenny: Even Bart was throwing dough around. He paid me and Carl a thousand bucks to kiss each other. Carl: Hey, did we ever get that money?
Homer: Why did I take much punishment? Let's just say that fame was like a drug, but what was even more like a drug was the drugs.
Narrator: Where did the money go? Marge lost much of the family fortune investing in birth control products. Marge: I learned something. When people reach for their diaphragm, they don't want to see my picture.
Chief Wiggum: I'd never acted before in my life, but, uh, if the sea captain could be in the show, why not me? I've even got a catch phrase. N'yeah! Wah! Wah-wah-wah! No, I lost it. Director: Hold on, cut. Bart, if it's not too much trouble.... Bart: Fine, I'll do "Teen Wolf Three". I've got fair weather friends to feed.
Narrator: While he was in rehab, the part of Bart Simpson was played by his good friend Richie Rich. Marge: Bart, what do you mean you have jury duty? Richie: Don't have a cow, mother!
Narrator: Before a riot could break out, Jimmy Carter came to the rescue with his comedy break dancing. Carter: Got a brother named Billy. And my teeth look silly. Break it down, now
Narrator: The dream was over. Coming up: was the dream really over? Yes it was. Or was it?
Narrator: And Homer finds a new passion: dusting and polishing mixing boards.
Narrator: Fox put the show on hiatus, and replaced it with hidden camera footage from the dressing room at Ann Taylor.
Homer: Muahahahahaaa! :singing: Where is the rent? I must have the rent. Dollars, dimes, and nickels -- I need them all right now!
.. Homer: I literally chewed the scenery.
Narrator: Marge put together a night club act.. Marge: :singing: I shot the sherriff, but I did not shoot the deputy! Back-Up Singers: She didn't do it! She didn't do it! Marge: So the next time you see a sherriff, shoot him ... A smile! Back-Up Singers: She didn't do it! She didn't do it!
Lisa: To prolong the run of the series, I was secretly given anti-growth hormones. Homer: That's ridiculous. How could I even get all five necessary drops into her cereal? .... What?
Abe: They even brought their lawyers to thanksgiving dinner! Homer: So umm... how's everybody doing? Lawyer: You don't have to answer that. Lisa: Shut up, all of you! Or I'll sue! Marge: Oh, save it for your next book you little snitch! Lawyer: That's assault! That is assault!
Homer: It was the best Thanksgiving ever. I mean, emotionally, it was terrible, but the turkey was so moist! Lisa: Hey, what's going on? Willie Nelson: Well, I'll be honest. The New Awareness Awards are all an elaborate sham. Woody Allen: What? I knew it was too good to be true!
Homer: Now it's time to get back to what matters: the show ... and the Sunday comic strip. Marge: Which Homer writes himself. Bart: So you know it's great!
Narrator: And now the future looks brighter than ever for this Northern Kentucky family.
Marge: I can't believe it! We won another contest! Homer: The Simpsons are going to Delaware! Lisa: I want to see Wilmington! Bart: I want to visit a screen door factory!
.. Homer: [to editor] This'll be the last season.
Narrator: Next week, on "Behind the Laughter": Huckleberry Hound. Huckleberry Hound: I was so gay ... but I couldn't tell anyone.
