Announcer: Tonight on Guinness Book of World Records. A man who owns the current record for least amount of faces, with none. You'll also see the world's smelliest tumor. Lisa: Eew, these records used to be real accomplishments, now they're just gross. Announcer: Plus, you'll meet a dog that can't predict anything! And.. three other things! Jack: Ey, remember the Fifties? Remember television, Coca-Cola, and Dick Clark? Homer: I remember television! Jack: At Greaser's Café, where it's 1955 every day of the year, baby. Disclaimer: Actual year may vary. Consult calendar for current year. Dennis The Menace: I once hid my dad's hat! Bart: Uh-huh. Dennis The Menace: And another time, I accidentally stepped in Mr. Wilson's flower bed. That was a two-part episode! Bart: I have to go. Bart: Man, you're bending the hell out of that kick-stand Homer. Why don't you just take it for a ride? Homer: Promise you won't laugh? Bart: Yeah, I promise Homer: I don't know how! Bart: You're kidding? :laughs for about 20 seconds: Homer: Remember to rebel against authority, kids! Skinner: Don't listen to him, children. Milhouse: But we already did. Now I can't get it out of my head!
:Nelson hits him over the head: Krabappel: Thank you, Nelson. [ Homer and the rest of the 'Hell's Satans' chat to Chief Wiggum at the traffic lights ] Apu: Get away from my store you young hoodlums! Homer: And what if we don't, pops? Lenny: He's got a broom!
:they all take off on their bikes: Manjula: You promised me no more brooms! Apu: I know this is not your way, but we're in america now. Meathook: Take off that jacket, man. Homer: Okay. Meathook: Now, eat it. Homer: All right. Meathook: Aw, man, now you gotta eat that, too! Homer: Ohhh. Ramrod: You got anything else with our logo on it? Homer: Caps and Frisbees, sir. Meathook: You gotta eat them, too! Homer: ...and some pogs. Homer: Hello, police? Can you send a SWAT team to 742 Evergreen Te -- Wiggum: Forget it, Simpson. Those pig noises you made really hurt my feelings, looking like a pig as I do. Homer: But you have so much inner beauty. Wiggum: Well, uh, be that as it may, ah, the gang is wanted in eight other states and we have a little saying around here: Let Michigan handle it. Meathook: Marge, how did you get my jacket so clean? I've tried everything to get those blood and puke stains out. I've tried hitting them, I've tried yelling at 'em ... Marge: All it takes is the right cleanser and a little elbow grease. Ramrod: Do you have anything that will get this emblem back on my jacket? I've tried spitting at it, you know, but.. Marge: Just put it on my sewing pile. Lisa: Dad, I'm tired of bathing in the yard, plus I think Rod and Todd are watching! Rod/Todd: No we're not! Marge: When you get a job interview, try not to call your employer a punk, or a skank. Meathook: Makes sense. Ramrod: Oh, don't call them skanks. Meathook: Miss Simpson? I killed my pencil. Marge: Broke. You "broke" your pencil.
Meathook: You, and me, in the circle of death! Marge: Oh! I just swept the circle of death! Meathook: You know what I'm going to do after I kill you? Take your wallet. Homer: Never -- it was a gift from "Newsweek"
