Age: Ten

Parents: Kirk Van Houten and Luanne Van Houten - recently divorced

Occupations: Night watchman for Bart's factory. Hall monitor.

Favorite Food: Vaseline on toast.

Favorite Drink: Soy milk, real milk could kill him.

Pets: Deceased fish which Santa's Little Helper ate.

Friends: Bart Simpson, Lewis, Wendell, Martin, Richard

Girlfriends: Lisa Simpson, Samantha Stankey, Greta Wolfcastle

Enemies: Nelson Muntz, Jimbo Jones, Kearney, Dolph

Favorite Reading Material: Radioactive Man

Favorite Game: Bonestorm, Cup and Ball, Cowboys and Indians

Greatest Achievement: Once bought a jacket with Bazooka Joe wrappers.

Secret: His psychiatrist has noted various homosexual tendencies.

Embarassing Moment: Was 'missing' on a milk carton.

Famous For: Playing Fallout Boy in the unfinished Radioactive Man film, Kidz Newz anchor

Criminal Record: Bart once got his picture on Americas Most Wanted

Other Stuff: Can cook dinner
Looks like the dud in the mystery date game
Has a body odour problem
Pathetic Ice Hockey goal keeper
Was crippled by Mr. Burns to inspire a football team
Was flattened at a spinal tap concert,