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HABF01: Simpsons Christmas Stories
Homer: You know how your paper boy always sends you a Christmas card with his home address on it. What's up with that?
Pimple Kid: I wanted you to tip me!
Homer: No tip till they bring back Hagar The Horrible
Pimple Kid: That's not my decision!
Homer: Oh it's never anybody's decision.
Frink: Good King Harrod except you dont really have the good so what do you have really then?

Moe: Now feel free to come by to main house for breakfast. There wont be any.
Marge: Any time anyone suffers in the world he starts crying again. Can you do something?
Homer: Me? But I'm watching the orange bowl!
Homer: And did you know that little baby Jesus... grew up to be.. Jesus?
Burns: You hang up first. No, you hang up first. No, you hang up first. No, you hang up first.

Santa: My sleigh! It's ruined.
Abe: We'll get you up and running or my name aint Young Grandpa Simpson.
Abe: You backstabber! And I let you spoon me!
Abe: Somebody should have beaten you with a tricycle years ago!
Abe: I waited and waited but Santa never came back. If I hadn't invented a jetski made of coconuts I'd have never gotten home. And when I did the war was over and the nurses were all kissed out.
Homer: Oh my god, it's over. We're free!
Mr. Largo: It's not over. It's just intermission.
Homer: I said we're free!
Mr. Largo: We're still doing act II. I'll be in the audience. Boo! This is terrible!
I've still gotta bake my Christmas pie
Bart: I've still gotta get Dad a lousy tie
Cletus: Christmas crowds is what I hate
Sideshow Mel: No time left to procrastinate
Lenny: So move your ass
Carl: And let me pass
Lenny & Carl: 'Cause Christmas Eve is here
Quimby: Er, why is this Santa suit so snug?
Burns: Grr, why should I care, it's all humbug
Apu: I've jacked my prices up so high
But there's no junk these saps won't buy
Last year's eggnog, a green hot dog
Crowd: 'Cause Christmas Eve is here
Comic Book Guy: These holiday cookies swell my fat
Cat lady: Gya Eyadada Gya Ga Ya Da Cat
Krusty: Even though we're not gentile
We'll get together for a while
Crazy Old Man: To shoot the breeze
Rabbi Krustovski: And eat Chinese
Restaurant: 'Cause Christmas Eve is here - Oy!
Marge: Christmas is a family day
Homer: I told Grampa we'd be away
Lisa: He's at the door
Bart: Let's hit the floor
Family: 'Cause Christmas Eve is here!
Krusty: It's the most wonderful time of the year :Krusty is pegged with snowballs: Give the audience snowballs they said. It'll be cute they said.
Moe: Hey Barn' as a special gift to me this year, will you kill me?
Barney: But I already got you a wool hat.
Moe: Maybe next year huh.

I need a present for my wife
Or I'll have no sex for life
Diamond ring, a vase by Ming
Some kind of useful kitchen thing
I need a store I can break into
Or a place run by a Hindu
Apu: The Christmas rush has cleaned me out
I just have jerky made of trout

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newz you can uze
we're allowed to have one. hur-hyuck
better than you
obscure reindeer reference that only i still get
picks tribute
don't mind if i do!
the springfield connection
it's a hell of a town!
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