DABF04: Half-Decent Proposal
SEASON THIRTEEN :: 31 Quotes
Comic Book Guy: Oh Jar Jar, everyone hates you but me :kisses doll:
Dr. Hibbert:Here's what it costs :hands Homer a note:
Homer: Interesting... here's my counter offer :scribbles 'do it for free' on a note and hands it to Dr. Hibbert:
Dr. Hibbert: Ahehehehehehe.. get out.
Homer: :snores "Snooooort - emimimimimimimimim":
Patty:Great, we'll have a girl's night! No bra's!
NOOKIE IN NEW YORK TV SHOW
Woman 1: If I'm not having sex by the end of this goat cheese casavia, I'm going to scream.
Woman 2: I also enjoy sex.
Woman 3: Since this morning I've had sex with a New York Knick, two subway cops, and a guy who works on Wall Street.
Woman 4: Broker?
Woman 3: Nah, she's just really sore!
:all women laugh at her joke, a waiter joins in:
Patty: This is so like our lives!
Selma: Yeah! It's like they hid a camera in our apartment.
Announcer:Coming up next on BHO, it's ARLI$$!
Marge/Selma/Patty: AAAH! :all reach for remote:
Kent Brockman: Artie made megabucks with a revolutionary invention, a converter that changes that horrible modem noise into easy listening music.
Artie: Also available with lyrics! :singing to "Hey There, Georgie Girl": Hey com-puter geek, you will be connected in no time.
Selma: What a catch!
Marge: Dear Artie.
Selma: Dear Hottie!
Marge: Congratulations on your recent TV appearance.
Selma: I wanna sex you up! Your love slave, Marge.
Marge: :gasp: You can't use the word "Sex" on the internet!
Selma: Watch me! :clicks send:
Marge: :gasps loudly:
Artie:A note from Marge Simpson? Well, isn't that a coincidence. I was just thinking about her.... for the last twenty years!
Lisa: Hey, a helicopter is landing on our lawn.
Bart: Let's approach with caution. :the family run outside, except Homer:
Homer: Hehehe, unguarded breakfasts, the sweetest taboo!
Artie:You can't spell Party without Artie! If you misspell party! Or.. Artie.
Homer: Hey Marge! It's that guy who couldn't get any off you!
Artie: How would you all like to take a ride with me?
Homer: Eh, you're the old flame.
Artie: I often wonder what life with Marge would have been like.
Homer: It's like being married to my best friend, and he lets me feel his boobs.
Homer: Oooh, a million dollars. Wait a minute, how much sex would be involved? Cuz if it's some...
Artie: No, no no.
Sea Captain: You'll win her yet, Artie. I mean eh... Arrrrr-tie.
Marge: I'll get used to the snoring, just like I got used to saying "Courtney Cox-Arquette"!
Homer: Oh, I'm so sorry. :snores:
Marge: Are you snoring while you're awake?
Homer: Uh :snores: huh! :snores:
Homer: Okay Ziff, you get her for the weekend, but no funny stuff! And by funny stuff I mean hand holding, goo goo eyes, misdirected wu, which is pretty much any John Wu film.
Artie: Your wife's virtue shall remain as untouched as Bill Gates' weight room.
Homer: Wait, you really think Marge is gonna fall for this guy? Even after I bought her that hockey fight tape!?
Carl: I'd dump your ass!
Lenny: Me too!
Moe: Yeah, I can't get Artie out of my head. He's like a spy in the house of Moe.
Homer: Oh god, you're right! I've gotta get her back before it's too late!
Homer: Oh no! If Marge marries Artie, I'll never be born!
Homer: Oh gosh it was horrible! I saw Marge kissing a far superior man.
Moe: Well if it makes you feel any better, he's probably doing her right now.
Homer: Lenny, how would you like to leave town with me and never come back?
Lenny: Sounds like a plan!
Homer: Then it's settled! We leave Springfield forever! :the two walk out the door, while Carl comes out from the Men's room:
Carl: What did I miss, anything good?
Cab Driver: That's nine hundred and twelve dollars.
Marge: Send the bill to Baron Von Kissalot!
Cab Driver: No problemo!
-somewhere in a medievil castle-
Servant: This just arrived here, Baron!
Baron: Okay, who's da vise guy!?
Homer: Marge, If you're watching this, then it means I've figured out how to work the camera.
Homer: I'm leaving you Marge. The next time you see my name will be in the hobo obituaries. Don't worry about the kids, I'll drop them off with Patty and Selma.
Bart: Patty and Selma? Screw that!
Homer: Just run the camera you little...!
Lenny: I know what you're going through. We're coming up to Mount Carlmore. I carved that one wonderful summer.
Homer: What did Carl think?
Lenny: You know, we've never discussed it.
Homer: This job will be perfect. I'm gonna leave this world the way I entered it. Dirty, screaming, and torn away from the woman I love.
Lenny: Quick and pointless, that's the death for me.
Lisa: He must have taken a job in the West Springfield Oil Patch. That's practically a death sentence!
Grampa: What happened now? Homer bowled a 300 game!?
Marge: Grampa, that happened a year and a half ago!
Artie:You own Marge's heart, and that's something I could never buy.
Homer: Woohoo! :climbs ladder, looks back for Lenny:
Lenny: There's nothing on that helicopter for me!
Carl: Don't be so sure!
Lenny: :gasps: Carl Carlson!
Homer:Goodnight honey. :snores, Marge turns his Snore converter on , "sweet dreams are made of these" begins to play:
Artie: He's a loser Marge, dump him! :sings: I travelled the world and the seven seas, I am watching you through a camera!
Homer:Oh! I can't take his money, I can't print my own money, I have to work for money. Why don't I just lie down and die?