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BABF20: A Tale Of Two Springfields
SEASON TWELVE :: 17 Quotes
Bart: Woah! A Badger! Sorry, man. You can't crash here. Come on, lets go. :large roars can be heard:
to santa's little helper: Well boy... looks like you've got yourself a room mate.
tale1.mp3    93kb 

Bart: Come on, Lis', there's gotta be a way to lure that badger out.
Lisa: Well, according to 'whatbadgerseat.com', Badgers subsist primarily on a diet of stoats, voles, and marmots.
Bart: Hmm, stoats, stoats..
Lisa: Stoats are weasels, Bart. They don't come in cans.
Bart: Oh yeah, then what's this?
Lisa: That says corn, Bart.
tale2.mp3    121kb 

Lisa: Here we are. In a pinch, Badgers have been known to eat Woodpeckers.
Bart: Perfect! Hey Todd, can we borrow your woodpecker?
Todd: I guess so! But we need him back by six. It's his birthday!
Bart: Okay!
:the woodpecker avoids the badger, pecks and laughs at Bart, but then flies into a bug zapper and dies:
tale3.mp3    148kb
Homer: Television broken?
Bart: No, there's a Badger in there.
Homer: Badger my ass, it's probably Milhouse... Milhouse.. Milho... :roars are heard and Homer gets his body ripped apart:
It's a Badger alright.
tale4.mp3    119kb
Homer: I think we should call a doctor about this
:Homer lifts his shirt, revealing all his internal organs on the outside:
Lisa: How did the Badger do that without ripping your shirt!?
Homer: What am I, a tailor?
tale5.mp3    43kb
Homer: Area code!? But it's a local call.
Marge: The phone company ran out of numbers, so they split the city into two area codes. Half the town keeps the old 636 area code, and our half gets 939.
Homer: 939!!!?? WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!? Oh my life is ruined.
Marge: Geez, you just have to remember three extra numbers.
Homer: Oh if only it were that easy Marge.
tale6.mp3    150kb
Infomercial
Hi! I'm Phoney McRingRing, mascot and president of the telephone company, and I'm here to explain why the convenience of one area code in Man's Voice: -Your Town-
has been replaced by the convenience of two area codes!
Homer: Uh, I have a question, Phoney!
Lisa: It's a movie, dad!
Homer: Quiet honey, daddy's asking the man a question.
tale7.mp3    142kb 
Infomercial
But how will I remember all those numbers? Well, scientists have discovered that even monkeys can memorize ten numbers. Are you stupider than a monkey?
Chief Wiggum: How big of a monkey?
Haha. Of course you're not!
tale8.mp3    112kb 
Skinner: Go ahead and laugh, we have a better town bird!
Homer: Oh yeah!? What is it?
Skinner: The Bluebird!
Homer: ...Dammit.
tale9.mp3    48kb 
Jimbo: Hey.. look what I found. A novelty flying disc!
Bart: Give it back. That's MY novelty flying disc!
Jimbo: You're in Olde Springfield now. Everything on this side of the park belongs to us!
Kearney: Hey! His pants are in our park too!
Dolph: Get him!
Bart: My homework is in your park!
Kearney: Let's do it! Yoink!
Dolph: What does freedom mean to me?
tale10.mp3    189kb 
Kent Brockman: Scientists say they're also less attractive physically, and while we speak in a well-educated manner they tend to use low-brow expressions like "oh yeah?" and "come here a minute!"
Homer: Oh yeah? They think they're better than us, huh? Bart, come here a minute!
Bart: You come here a minute!
Homer: Oh yeah?
tale11.mp3    93kb 
Quimby: They've got us now. Without water we're doomed!
Skinner: Waaait a minute. What's that gold covered substance in the river bed?
Dr. Hibbert: Why, that's gold! Hehehehehe
Mr. Burns: We're slightly richer!
tale12.mp3    102kb
Homer: I can't believe all those rats fled my town. Guess it's just us and the tumbleweed...
tale13.mp3    48kb 
Security Guard: Can I help you?
Homer: Uh..uuuuh
Bart: Da-ad, the chloroform!
Homer: Huh? Oh right... I'll give you this bottle of chloroform if you take us to 'The Who'!
Bart: D'oh!
Security Guard: :gruff tone: Oh, so you wanna see The Who, huh? Well I'll take you to The Who! :throws them out of the corridor: Here's your who!
The Who: I thought we fired that guard!
Security Guard: Oh, yeah, right. I got fired by The Who. Whatever you say pal... whackooo.
tale14.mp3    174kb 

Mr. Burns: Smithers, why did you iron a crease in these dungaries? I look like a square!
Smithers: Uuh, that crease is in your leg, sir.
Mr. Burns: Ah, so it is.... yeees.
tale15.mp3    58kb 

Homer: :singing: Pac-man fever, a doo doo doo doo, it's-ah drivin' me cray-ay-ay-zehhhhh! Look Lisa! Daddy's in The Who! :continues singing, somebody throws something at him:
tale16.mp3    114kb 

Homer: Well Marge, looks like your insane experiment is over.
Marge: MY experiment? You're the one that came up with this whole experimen... :Homer uses the chloriform on Marge:
tale17.mp3    70kb 

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